Date yourself as well as your other half

So I obviously don’t mean change your relationship status to ‘in a relationship with myself’ or anything like that. I’m talking about the simple phrase ‘love yourself’ that is constantly thrown around these days. 

After splitting up with exs in the past, people always told me ‘you learn something from every person’ or ‘it’ll make your relationships stronger in the future’ and of course at the time you sit and nod (hiding the ever mounting tears) because they were your whole life and you don’t know what to do now you’re on your own. 

But that’s the problem. We are one person, we can surround ourselves with amazing magical people and that’s great, but ultimately we are alone. If you’re not happy with yourself how the hell are you gonna be happy with anyone else? 

We all have goals, ambitions and something we strive towards. But so often we put them on hold for stuff. Whether it’s to save money, find the time. We accept that sometimes things won’t happen instantly and we have to work towards it. But someone else, love, should never be a reason to stop trying to get there. 

It’s so easy to think now you’ve found someone that makes you happy right now, they will make you happy forever. That a settled life; the white picket fence and the kids playing in the garden sounds just fine. But you’ve got your whole life ahead of you, do you want to look back and say ‘I should have travelled’ or ‘I wish I’d taken that job’ or even simply ‘I wish I’d gone and looked at that other uni’ because you decided not to do any of these things because your partner didn’t seem happy about it or you wanted to work around their life and your life together. Dream big, if your significant other is ‘the one’ you’ll make it work. 

Don’t rearrange your life, your plans and your friggin’ dreams around anyone because as cheesy as it is we do only live once. We don’t get yesterday again and we never will. 

This is one thing I now realise I have learnt, one thing I will take into my next relationship or whatever lies round the corner for me. 

It’s hard to think like this when you become entangled in a relationship you think is your whole life. When you are encapsulated by a person so much you think they’re all you need. Well love them, enjoy your life together but enjoy yours separately. Because you’ll find yourself slipping away from being an individual and falling into the destructive path of being that couple that are just known for being a couple. 

Buy yourself flowers or jewellery, whatever it is you want. Go on long walks by yourself or with friends (those people you may have forgotten about by now), start drawing or painting. Get your hair cut how you want it. Go for that job interview that’s in another city because it’s important. Just as important as your relationship that you will make work anyway, anywhere. Give yourself all the love and care you give your partner. You should never ever treat them better than you treat yourself. Be selfish sometimes. Let them pick what you have for tea, but don’t let them change where you want to be in 10 years time. 

Love yourself. Date yourself. Just do you for you. And the right people will fit themselves into YOUR life. 


Stop with the fake bullshit

We’re all guilty of it. Putting up that picture so someone will see it. For the likes, for the support, to show everyone how friggin’ great our lives are?

But are they that great?

Probably not.

Or maybe I’m just a pessimist. Maybe I’m just in a bad mood. But honestly stop with all the bullshit posts. We masquerade all the crap we are going through with pictures of nights out. The ones we probably only went on for a temporary happiness fix.

With pictures of great holidays. The ones were now working our asses off to pay back as our overdrafts and bills pile up.

I love seeing my mates happy and knowing whats going on in peoples lives, because its hard to constantly be in touch with everyone and social media makes that a tad easier.

But don’t be that person that hides behind the mask, that posts the ‘happy pic’ of you and your boyfriend minutes after an argument because you want everything to be okay. You need it to be okay and if the world thinks its fine, it is, right?

Sometimes things are shit and its alright to share that with your friends. Its okay not to be okay. Post about it. Or don’t, but don’t pretend everything’s fine and dandy. Because maybe it’ll help someone. Maybe that person that craves your social media ‘perfect’ lifestyle needs to know they’re not alone with the bad days. And just maybe taking a break from pretending, will help you. You can actually find time to deal with the issues, reach out to people because you’re not hiding behind your fake life.

We all put the best of our lives on these sites, the person we want people to know us as, instead of the person we are. Why not, actually work on being that person? Take time to deal with the shit and better the good.

And don’t think because your mates getting 234 likes on their profile picture, going out boozing every night and sharing a load of pics of their new buys that they have the perfect life. Maybe they do, but most people have demons. Most people have some shit going down and that’s fine. Not everything you see of people online is real. A lot of it probably isn’t. They’re probably doing the same thing as the rest of us. Faking it.

Give it a break. GET REAL.