So I obviously don’t mean change your relationship status to ‘in a relationship with myself’ or anything like that. I’m talking about the simple phrase ‘love yourself’ that is constantly thrown around these days.
After splitting up with exs in the past, people always told me ‘you learn something from every person’ or ‘it’ll make your relationships stronger in the future’ and of course at the time you sit and nod (hiding the ever mounting tears) because they were your whole life and you don’t know what to do now you’re on your own.
But that’s the problem. We are one person, we can surround ourselves with amazing magical people and that’s great, but ultimately we are alone. If you’re not happy with yourself how the hell are you gonna be happy with anyone else?
We all have goals, ambitions and something we strive towards. But so often we put them on hold for stuff. Whether it’s to save money, find the time. We accept that sometimes things won’t happen instantly and we have to work towards it. But someone else, love, should never be a reason to stop trying to get there.
It’s so easy to think now you’ve found someone that makes you happy right now, they will make you happy forever. That a settled life; the white picket fence and the kids playing in the garden sounds just fine. But you’ve got your whole life ahead of you, do you want to look back and say ‘I should have travelled’ or ‘I wish I’d taken that job’ or even simply ‘I wish I’d gone and looked at that other uni’ because you decided not to do any of these things because your partner didn’t seem happy about it or you wanted to work around their life and your life together. Dream big, if your significant other is ‘the one’ you’ll make it work.
Don’t rearrange your life, your plans and your friggin’ dreams around anyone because as cheesy as it is we do only live once. We don’t get yesterday again and we never will.
This is one thing I now realise I have learnt, one thing I will take into my next relationship or whatever lies round the corner for me.
It’s hard to think like this when you become entangled in a relationship you think is your whole life. When you are encapsulated by a person so much you think they’re all you need. Well love them, enjoy your life together but enjoy yours separately. Because you’ll find yourself slipping away from being an individual and falling into the destructive path of being that couple that are just known for being a couple.
Buy yourself flowers or jewellery, whatever it is you want. Go on long walks by yourself or with friends (those people you may have forgotten about by now), start drawing or painting. Get your hair cut how you want it. Go for that job interview that’s in another city because it’s important. Just as important as your relationship that you will make work anyway, anywhere. Give yourself all the love and care you give your partner. You should never ever treat them better than you treat yourself. Be selfish sometimes. Let them pick what you have for tea, but don’t let them change where you want to be in 10 years time.
Love yourself. Date yourself. Just do you for you. And the right people will fit themselves into YOUR life.