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‘Keep on keeping on’

My good friend Reece has been telling me this for a few weeks now. “Keep on keeping on.” I feel like I owe him more credit than ‘good friend’, hes fucking mint and totally on my level (sorry Reece). 

When he first said it (probably in response to a breakdown I’d just had) I kinda just laughed it off. Infact I probably didn’t even manage that, I probably gave him some form of fake smile. 

But as times carried on I basically realised… Well just that, it does go on.WAIT, time carries on?? As easy as it is to believe after something shit has happened or you’ve been down in the dumps for a while, that the world is officially going to end and all life as we know it stops. It doesnt. Life goes on. Time continues.

With or without you. 

And that’s the big thing here. You either let whatever it is win, you get in the dumps (which you will for a while anyway) and stay there or you ‘keep on keeping on.’ 

But heres what ive been thinking about. Either way you do this, either way you live. But its how you choose to carry on, keep on, that’s all down to you. 

So take all the fucking shit and negativity and just change it. It’ll seem so hard to do. So much easier to say, right? But just do it. Even if at first you dont want to, its awful, whatever, just do it. I’m convincing myself here too, dont worry. 

Go on that holiday, start a blog, finish your essays, go to that life drawing art class youve always wanted to go to and start looking at more art, everywhere, because you want to pick up your paints again and think about the next cover you wanna do because its been so long since youve even sung. This is some of the things im doing. (You’re probably all much cooler than me). 

Life is too short to not do what you want to do and be the person you are supposed to be. 

Life is also really fucking scary and can change in any split second (honestly, I know) but dont be the coward that runs away. Grab it by the fucking balls and live. Deal with the consequences, the shit. It wont just disappear I’m afraid.

Dont be afraid of taking chances, dont be afraid of being wrong or changing your mind about a person, place or decision because we all fuck up sometimes. 

Accept that, we can all be shit. We can all make mistakes. Don’t beat yourself up about it because yesterday is history.   

Im not saying you’re going to be magically better or not feel like shit 75% of the time but its a start. And I’m hoping everyone is right about ‘time being a healer’ because if not I’m totally fucked. 

So I’m sorry Reece, I’ve decided I wont be using the phrase ‘keep on keeping on’ anymore, I wanna live and really live. I don’t just want to carry on because I have to. And maybe things will never be the way I want them, people may never come back or situations may get shitter but I’ll make the most of it. I’ll learn. ‘Grow through what you go through.’

I’m scared of my own feelings. I’m worried about the future. I’m hurt and afraid but I’m so ready to make new memories and figure out who the fuck I wanna be. Bring on the good and bad days. I’m sure there will be plenty of both.

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